She knew it and so did I , since the symptoms were quite clear: school was just school, a sacred entity where knowledge was attained, time was spent reading books mostly textbooks all day long, no hour long conversations on the phone, no enthusiasm in any thing school related and Amma saw right through me.
I was great at making friends. I was just bad at keeping them.
Yes, I was “un-befriendable”. Careful now! I said I was! No need to reach for those tissues just yet! So then,obviously something changed .
Even though my life sucked, I occasionally found solace while reading about characters whose lives closely resembled to mine: “The nerd who is always left alone”. And just so you know ,nerds do like being called nerds. I am just kidding ! How would I know … for I am not one for sure! ;P
But enough with the joking around, it’s a fact that almost everyone goes through this feeling sometime or the other in their lives. When life seems to offer you nothing but trouble in the friendship area. Nothing seems to work out and you lose every single bet and your ship keeps sinking. As expected it actually falls under a different kind of worldly pain because we are social animals after all. No amount of reading books or watching movies can fill that gap where a friend resides. Believe me for I have tried .Its hard to find the perfect friend and its equally hard to keep them .Sometimes I used to jump from one group of friends to the next, it was pretty cool actually keeping in mind that you got to know a lot about whats happening in class, you took up just enough time so that you don’t feel like you are intruding. All in all ,a phase where I just got by. Inspite of it all there is another misery that exists the ordeal of losing yourself and your identity in that struggle for friendship. There has been plenty of times where I have questioned myself and my tastes just because my so called friends found it crappy. That led to my days being spent wondering what was wrong with me ! Agonising and forcing myself to change and what did it all result into … nothing but more anguish and pain for me because now nobody knew who the real me was. It was a big mess! alright! It’s only later that I realised how stupid I was for considering that this was the right way. And then one fine day it finally dawned on me that it was high time to stop the theatrics and accept myself for who I was really was. I am who I am, there is no denying that. I had to stand up for myself. How could I expect others to like me if I don’t do it myself. Only then would others appreciate me. And that made me embrace it even more. All that was left to be done was to make the most of it.
My life certainly reformed for the best. I was living my life as it ought to have been lived. Agreeing to my flaws, correcting them and most importantly staying true to myself.
As one very wise man once said “Weird becomes normal among the right people. If you feel weird, you haven’t met the right people …yet. Embrace it, don’t hide it. ”
These words meant the world to me. It made me believe in myself. This crazy world is filled with all kinds of people: wild, passionate, aggressive ,devious, sympathetic …. you name it! It’s only a matter of time before you find your bunch of weirdos. So just hang in there!
And to all my friends who helped me bounce from “unbefriendble” to “befriendable”… I love you guys !